It seems relationships are continuous lessons through experience. In our day to day lives most people are obsessed with relationships, whether of a sexual or emotional nature. Yet people also tend to demonize love, sex, and relationships. We are constantly told to either find a relationship or spend time working on ourselves. Where is the middle ground here?
Most people don’t realize that relationships are a way to work on ourselves from both a spiritual and scientific perspective. The workings of relationships are explained through many different theories within the Scientific community. I personally use the Imago theory to understand as well as utilize relationships to my advantage.
Imago theory explains how our minds naturally use romantic relationships to work through issues from our childhood. The basic concept of Imago theory is that we search out people like the most influential people in our childhood (usually our parents) as a way to heal wounds we were dealt by them. The point is to recreate the scenarios from childhood, so we can resolve the issue by changing the end result. Once the mind is satisfied by the conclusion, you are set free from these wounds.
In spirituality there is a similar concept, but it is explained in a different way. Many spiritual teachers believe the Universe will continue to place you in a scenario until you have learned your lesson. Once the lesson is learned, you are also set free.
In relationships, I use science and spirituality to understand the dynamics of the situation. The science encourages one to create a different outcome, and spirituality suggests to react differently. Together the message is clear, “React differently, and you will create a new outcome. You will have learned your lesson, and you will have healed your wounds.”
Karma within relationships shows a similar correlation. A lot people think karma is an eye for an eye mentality. However, karma is really just cause and effect. You will get a reaction good or bad based on what you do. Sometimes you can do good, and you will receive good in return. Sometimes you can do good, but you will receive bad in return. Whether you see Karma as Universal justice or the workings of cause and effect, relationships display these laws perfectly.
There is a lot of talk of “clearing the bloodlines,” in the spiritual community. The scientific version of this would be breaking generational patterns of dysfunction. In the spiritual community it’s believed that this generation is meant to clear the Karma of ourselves as well as our ancestors. These two go hand in hand, because they are working towards the same goal. Families have been known to pass on dysfunctional behaviors generation after generation. This is the cycle of a generational dysfunction pattern. No one wants to inherit these negative traits, whether they continue as the victim or the abuser. Misery is part of dysfunction.
The spiritual community believes that by healing ourselves we “clear our bloodlines of their Karmic Debt.” In a way, this is certainly true. If you simply release yourself from the grips of a generational dysfunction pattern, you are ending the effect of your ancestors negative actions. In this way, the “debt” has ran its course and been paid.
However, I would take this farther from both a spiritual and scientific standpoint. What if you could help your parents and grandparents or any other family member? What if you could literally release them from the Karmic Debt of your ancestors as well? Would you choose to help them? I believe there is a way.
I know that the scientific community and at times the spiritual community suggest not to try to change your parents. However, can you imagine the widespread effect of learning to HEAL our parents? What if everyday we could bring them closer to healing THEIR childhood wounds? Would this not be worth the effort? Isn’t this the real meaning of love? I strongly believe that this is both possible and worth while. You may wonder how one could accomplish this feat.
First, you must heal yourself. Yep, we have come full circle. Self-love holds all the answers, whether for relationships or Worldly problems. If you do not love yourself, you cannot understand the true meaning of love. If you do not heal yourself, you cannot heal another. The best way to help your lover and your parents is to simply lead by example. I suggest that you spend at least a year being single, and during this year, you should not search for a relationship at all. Spending time alone is vital to enlightenment and true happiness. A year of solitude can teach you a lot about yourself, and it can bring you to a healthier state of mind.
When you return to the dating world, I suggest you take a deeper look into your actions. Every time you experience suffering, contemplate why you suffer. Analyze your relationship dynamics. Are you reacting a certain way, because it’s triggering childhood wounds? How could you change your reaction to change the outcome? You are in charge of your self-healing. I suggest you read everything you can on relationships and healing childhood wounds, because healing your wounds will lead you to more fulfilling relationships.
Once you have healed yourself, you will notice a deep change in your relationships. People will treat you differently. You must take this concept and apply it to all your relationships, whether they are romantic in nature or not. You must utilize this concept with your parents as well.
After you have freed yourself of these dysfunctional patterns, the real work begins. By learning to heal yourself, you now have a deeper understanding of how to heal your parents. You’ve blazed a trail, and you now embody their potential. Slowly, you can teach them the lessons you’ve learned, by loving them unconditional and imparting your wisdom. Each journey will be different, and the lessons will be just as diverse. I cannot tell you the lessons you will teach your parents or how you will go about it, but I can say you have the power available to you. If we as human beings learn this one skill, we will change the destiny of humanity forever. One person can save the world, if they simply believe and strive for it. Remember a single pebble can cause a landslide, and so can you. You just have to choose which direction you want to go.